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I miss you Fuuko.
Now that you're gone, I can feel the loneliness kick in…
I haven't felt this emotion since the period of time before I met you.
You always filled in the gap.
I can't help but see how blind I am, neglecting you, not seeing you… not knowing.
How insensitive.
And now, when it's too late, I finally figured things out.
To bad you aren't here to hear those words.
I love you.
~~~
She knew there was something wrong when she came into her boyfriend's apartment – it seemed empty, a void that was vast and was spinning into darkness.
She sucked in a deep breath, "Tokiya?" she called out, her voice gently being carried by the air that filled the place.
She found him, a mess in his room. What was today? She thought, her eyes looking about.
It was Sunday; his work said that he had been missing for the past couple of days – was this where he was?
Wallowing in the emptiness of his room.
"Tokiya?"
Her eyes looked over him, never had she seem him so broken up about anything.
"What's the matter? Is there something wrong?"
He looked at her, unable to recognize her, as his voice asked one question, "Fuu-chan?"
She breathed in hard.
Hard.
Fuu-chan.
Fuu-chan… he never came up with a nickname for her, always calling her 'Aki'… nothing as personalized as 'Fuu-chan…' she felt jealous sometimes, but everything would sooth down at the fact that he was not Fuu-chan's, but her's… and Fuuko and he were but only friends.
But the way he said her name but a minute ago –
Her throat restricted, "Tokiya…"
He had never let her call him Toki-chan. She remember calling him that once, but he simply said 'That's something only Usa-ko can call me – it's this agreement…a reassurance that we have shared…'
And that was that.
She never thought much of it, until now that was.
He looked up at her, her eyes meeting his…
A burden of loss was within his eyes. "Where's Fuuko?"
Her words had caused him to break down and cry – so untypical of what he would ever do. Tokiya was a man that did not show much affection, especially in front of anyone.
"She left… she left…" he repeated the words over and over – so heartbroken about the fact.
"She left…" Aki repeated, her heart seemed to break at the fact Tokiya was so torn apart by this fact, as envy had filled her.
"Nani? Doushite?" He sobbed, "Because of me… she said she loved me, and I tore her
heart apart…I had asked her if she was joking…but she wasn't. Only…I was too stupid," his voice cracked, "to realize it…"
Aki couldn't help feel as if everything was coming together.
Instead of thinking that Fuuko was the third person, she couldn't help but feel as if she was.
Fuuko must have always been in love with Tokiya, for her eyes always told it all… the way that she looked at him, she could say that even she did not hold that amount of emotions for him as she had… and she had known that…
She had torn the two away from each other.
"I always knew she loved you," Aki's voice was solemn, as Tokiya looked up at her, his eyes baring into hers.
"The way she looked at you, the way she smiled when she was to basked within your presence. She was able to appreciate you more that I.”
Aki smiled thoughtfully.
"I always wondered why, if I had a friend that neglected me like you had to her, would she have continued to stay, without saying much about the horrid treatment, but now I know. When you love someone, even if it's one sided, nothing else matters. You convince yourself that nothing matters…
"I look up to her, for she is able to do something that I could never… loving someone who does not even acknowledge it. Foolish, I must admit, but still so admirable – so respectable…"
She shook her head and smiled.
"This would never work out between you and I, Tokiya, for I am not the one you want. Not anymore… and you are not the same person I want. I look at you right now, and finally found out that you are nothing without her… you aren't the man I fell in love with, because it was her who maintained you. I was never able to grasp that person that you were when you were with Fuuko… you seemed more happier, more pleased…"
"Aki…" he spoke up, trying to explain, but he had stopped at the sudden realization.
She was right.
Fuuko...
Aki looked at him sadly, "And you can't even disagree with the notation-" she sighed, picking her purse off of the ground, "I guess this is good-bye Tokiya, I hope you do find happiness soon forth…"
The last that he ever saw of her was her turning around, as she walked out of his life forever.
~~~
The plane had just landed in France, and Fuuko was feeling remorseful. Very remorseful.
She couldn't believe what she had just done—she had left him. Tokiya. She had left him alone…
'Correction,' she told herself, 'he still has Aki.' She smiled sarcastically. 'I'll bet that he won't
even notice me gone…He'll probably have Aki move in with him, and then they'll be married…happily ever after.'
And her smile grew larger, as she thought of the irony of the situation. 'And while he'll be married, and with 2 perfects kids of his own, I'll be an old spinster, who never got over her first and only love.'
Walking out of the airport, she waved a hand in the air, signaling for a taxi. When it arrived, she bent over and told the driver where to head.
She was going to stay with Joker for a while, until she found her own apartment. It would be, for the first time in her whole life, that she would really be alone.
'You'll always be alone, Kirisawa Fuuko.'
Tears came to her eyes.
'No,' she told herself furiously. 'No, I won't!' After she would move into her apartment, it would be true, though.
She had never really been alone…without anyone to come home to at the end of the day—boyfriend or not. When she was young, she had her mother.
'Your mother abandoned you, Fuuko. Don’t you remember?'
She remembered all right. Everything. All the people she trusted abandoned her. She didn’t know the answer to why that always happened.
And then she had Tokiya. Her wonderful Tokiya, who was perfect in every way, except for one, he was—and always had been—blind to her love.
'Tokiya has abandoned you too, Fuuko…He did when he first met Aki, and you were too stupid, and too in love to see it. You're a fool, Tsukino Usagi.'
The two most important people in her life…They had both abandoned her.
She was an orphan—mentally and physically.
No one wanted her. No one but her true friends.
'He was in that category…But now? What is he to you?'
He was her love.
Her first love.
Her only love.
Her love for him would last for eternity, and she knew it.
No matter how much it had hurt her to see him with Aki…she would be his—willingly and unwillingly.
'Dear Lord,' she thought sadly. 'What have I done?' She fought back a sob. 'I want to go back…to him. I want to…but I can't. I just CAN’T. I must be strong…I have to be strong. For him. He would have wanted me to be this way…Everything…is for him.'
Tokiya...
I love you.
With that last thought, she bent over to pick up her suitcases, ready to begin a new life.
Only it would be a different life. This life would be because she’d be along and that it wouldn’t include someone who would just reject her all over agin.
A life that would not include Tokiya-chan…and no matter how long it took to get over the heartache, she would.
It was her promise to herself.
~~~
Authors notes:
Whatcha think? Tell me kay?
Not to much since I really don’t have lots of time. I gotta go and continue
with the fourth! Sorry if short only!